Friendships and fall-outs.
Fall-outs between tenants do occur and it can be particularly distressing for everyone involved. Fall-outs can be over cleaning, food taking, bill paying or even a clash of personalities. There is a lot of emphasis on students having lots of close friends, getting on with everyone and having a “Friends” like scenario (like the sitcom!) in their flat. This cannot be the case with everyone as human beings are different.
Individuals have different personalities, lifestyles, different times in which to socialise, and people have differing expectations of how much they wish to interact and be friends. Because of the nature of personalities being different, the way people deal and react to situations will differ too. This means that some people can agree to “just get on with each other” and some may find it difficult to communicate their wants and needs.
The Tenancy Support Officer can offer assistance where students have tried themselves to resolve fall-outs themselves but the situation is still causing distress. The Tenancy Support Officer is not able to take sides or proportion blame but can help in looking at a workable agreement for the future. The aim is to find a realistic resolution that can be agreed by all involved where quite often it involves tenants understanding that you don’t have to like everyone and be best friends. It may be that tenants agree on how they will communicate over important issues in the future, but understand that they may not be the friends that they were before.
Step one:
One of the best ways to resolve any problem, complaint or conflict is by talking about the problem to the individual(s) concerned.
You can do this directly with the person involved or talk to friends for advice or support.
It is important at this stage to bear in mind that if you wish to resolve an issue, you have to make sure you do not make the situation worse. It is worth taking some time to think about what you want to say and the best time to discuss the situation.
You can talk to the Tenancy Support Officer about what is happening, but we will generally not take any action at this stage.
Key tips when talking about the problem
- Stay calm and do not raise your voice
- Wait until later or the next day, when things are calmer.
- Explain how the situation makes you feel and how distressed you have become
- Think about the other person’s views and feelings
- Try to reduce conflict
Step Two:
You may have spoken to the person(s) concerned and the problem is still happening. It may be that there is a difference of opinion about the seriousness of the situation.
The Tenancy Support Officer can arrange a meeting with you to discuss how you would like the situation to be resolved. You will need to provide some information in writing if you wish to have some intervention with your situation.
The information you provide should include: -
- Your name and address and a daytime telephone number.
- The type of problem (for example inter-tenant conflict).
- When and for how long the problem has occurred.
- The way the problem affects you (for example if it is distressing for you).
- Anything you have done to try to deal with the problem yourself (for example speaking to the person(s) directly, speaking and getting help from friends.).
Key tips
Keep records of dates, times, incidents and witnesses – Unipol will probably ask you to do this if you want us to take action
Focus on the facts, but if we try to arrange a meeting, how you feel is important too.
Seek help and advice from Unipol, and we can point you at other agencies as well if more support is needed.
It is difficult to remain anonymous in conflict involving yourself and other tenants but it may be that you specifically ask the Tenancy Support Officer to keep some details confidential. Please discuss any concerns about confidentiality with the Tenancy Support Officer.
Step three:
Once your written information is received, the Tenancy Support Officer will contact you to arrange a meeting to discuss the options available to you.
Options that may be available to you will include:
- Mediation, or a joint meeting with all tenant(s) in your accommodation or at a neutral venue.
- Unipol writing to your flat-mates on your behalf to explain how you feel.
- A mutual exchange with another tenant in a Unipol property.
- In serious cases which may involve other issues for example harassment, the possibility of moving to another Unipol property is available. Relocation to another Unipol property may be suggested as a solution to more serious cases where tenants feel that they are at serious risk to their well-being. (Please note, there may be an administration charge for this option if tenants wish to relocate without trying any of the other options above. Relocation would also only be available to Unipol tenants on individual contracts).
If you feel that the behaviour is due in whole or part to your sex, race or sexuality- it may fall under different procedures within your college or University. As different institutions have different procedures, talk to the Tenancy Support Officer for advice at your earliest opportunity.
Links
“when flat-mates go wrong” the hitchhikers guide to picking your flat mates - advice for choosing who to live with for your next accommodation
Leeds
Drop-in services at Unipol Student Homes.
Nightline - a telephone support and information service run for students by trained student volunteers. The phone lines open between 8pm and 8am every night of term, offering confidential listening and information to all students studying in Leeds and at Bretton. Tel: 0113 3801380
Leeds Metropolitan University student services, counselling, debt management etc
Leeds Metropolitan University Student Union.
The University of Leeds, support, guidance, welfare
The University of Leeds Student Union
Leeds College of Art and Design
The Northern School of Contemporary Dance
Leeds Community Mediation Service - offers a range of services including help to neighbours in conflict.
Samaritans - offer confidential non-judgemental emotional support 24 hours a day. Tel: 08457 90 90 90
Bradford
The University of Bradford student services
The University of Bradford Students Union
Samaritans offer confidential non-judgemental emotional support 24 hours a day. Tel: 08457 90 90 90